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BLONDES: $1,000,000 An alein, Santa Clause, a smart blonde, and a dumb blonde are in a circle. There is $1,000,000 in the middle of them. Who is going to get to it first? The dumb blonde. Aleins, Santa Clause, and smart blondes don't exist!! A Blond and Orange Juice A man woke up and didn't see his blond wife anywhere. So he goes downstairs and finds his wife staring at a can of frozen orange juice. He askes her what she's doing she tells him, "It says concentrate!" A Dumb Blonde How can you keep a blonde at home? Make a circular drive way!!! A Trip to the Barber A blonde walked into a barber shop wearing headphones. The barber asked her what she wanted, and she replied "A haircut, but make sure you leave my headphones on." She sat in the chair and the barber started to cut her hair. He realized that it's kind of hard to cut around the headphones, and asked her, "Are you sure I can't take off your headphones?" But when she didn't reply, he realized that the girl fell asleep, and took off her headphones. When he finished cutting her hair, he tried to wake her up but couldn't! So he called the police and when they arrived they asked, "How did she die?" "I don't know," replied the barber, "I just took off her headphones and she died!" The policeman picked up the headphones and listened to them, "Breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out!" A Very Special Mirror Legend has it that there is a bar in New York where, in the Ladies Room there is a very special mirror. If one stands in front of the mirror and tells the truth, one is granted a wish. However, if one tells a lie - - *poof* - - you are instantly swallowed up by the mirror, never to be seen again. Sooooo... A redhead of questionable looks walks into the Ladies Room and stands before the mirror and says, " I think I'm the most beautiful woman in the world." *poof* The mirror swallows her. Next a rather large brunette stands before the mirror and says, "I think I'm the sexiest woman alive." *poof* The mirror swallows her. Then an absolutely gorgeous blond comes in and stands before the mirror and says, "I think...." *poof* After Sex What's the first thing a blonde does after sex? Opens the car door. Another Blonde on the Computer How can you tell if another blonde's been using the computer? There's writing on the Wite-Out. Beautiful Blond There once was a blond, who was young and beautiful, and was on her way to California for a photo shoot. As she gets on the plane, she decides she should sit in the first class, because she was young, blond, and beautiful. She sits down in a seat in first class, when a flight attendant walks over and says to the blond," Excuse me ma'am. This is not your seat, would you please move to your seat in the coach?" The head attendant says to the blond," This is not your seat, this is someone else's seat, would you please move to your seat back in the coach?" The pilot walks over to the blond and says," Will you go to your seat in the coach? "The blond replies," No, I am young and blond and beautiful, I am going to California for a photo shoot, and I'm not moving. The pilot calmly leans over, and whispers in her ear. The blond says," Ok, then."And walks away towards the coach. The attendants speechless, ask the pilot what he said to her. He tells them,"I said that the coach was going to California, but the first class was going to Maine!" Blond in a round room Q: How do you entertain a blond? A: You put her in a round room and say that there is 50 bucks in the corner! Blond in the Bar Two blondes walk into a bar, you would have thought one of them would have seen it? Blond Warfare What do you do if a blond throws a gernade at you? Pull the pin and throw it back!! Blonde Brian Why is the blonde's brain the size of a pea in the morning? It swells at night. Blonde in a Tree How do you get a one armed blonde out of a tree? Wave at her! Blondes in a Freezer What do you call two blondes in the freezer? Frosted flakes! Blondes in the Freezer What do you call a bunch of blondes in the freezer? Frosted Flakes Blondes What do u call a blonde doing a handstand? A Brunette. Blonds in the Basement What do you call a bunch of blonds stuck in the basment? A whine cellar! Breast Feeding Why don't blondes breast feed? Because it hurts to boil your nipples Breathalizer Test A blonde is drivin down the road when a she sees the blue and red lights of a cop car flashin behind her. Not wantin to get into trouble she pulls over and waits for the cop to approach her. The cops walks over and she winds down her window. "Ma'am I need to see your drivers liscense" The blonde looks at the cop with a confused look on her face. "You know that lil peice of plastic with your picture on it?...that says you are allowed to drive!" The blonde smiles and says "OH YEAH!" She reaches in her purse and hands the cop her liscense. "Ma'am I need to see your registration now" Once again the blonde looks confused. "The peice of paper you usually keep in your glove compartment" The blonde once again smiles and gets her registration. While doin so the cops noticin she really is HOT. As the blond turns back over with the registration she notices the cops pants are unzipped and pulled down. The blondes eyes get huge as she cries "OH NO NOT ANOTHER BREATHALIZER TEST!!!!!!!!" Casino A blonde was walking down the street one day looking for something to do when she spotted a casino. She went up to the local ATM and soon had a bucketful of quarters. She went inside and put a quarter in the first machine she saw and then pressed one of its buttons. A prize popped out! So the blonde got really happy, because she thought she may really be good at something, and decides to play again. So she puts in another quarter and pushes a different button. Again a prize pops out! So the blonde keeps on playing. Eventually a line starts to develop behind her. People start complaining because she is hogging the machine. But the blonde is having too much fun and doesn't care. About fifteen minutes later the casino's manager finally comes up to her and says, "Maam, would you be so kind as to step away from the soda machine because some of our other guest are getting thirsty." This page contains 20 of 74 matching records. Back to Giggle Land |
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