COMPUTERS/INTERNET:

7 things to do to when your ISP goes down
1. Dial 911 Immediately.
2. Open the curtains to see if anything has changed over the past 2 years.
3. You mean there's something else to do?
4. Threaten your ISP with an impeachment vote.
5. Work.
6. Re-introduce yourself to your immediate family.
7. Get that kidney transplant you've been putting off.
A Computer and Sergeon
What do a computer and a sergeon have in common?

They both operate!

Are Computers Male or Female?
As you are aware, ships have long been characterized as being female(e.g., Steady as she goes, or She’s listing to starboard,Captain!). Recently, a group of computer scientists (all males)announced that computers should also be referred to as beingfemale.
Their reasons for drawing this conclusion follow:

Five reasons to believe computers are female:

1. No one but the Creator understands their internal logic.

2. The native language they use to communicate with other computersis incomprehensible to everyone else.

3. The message “Bad command or file name is about as informativeas, “If you don’t know why I’m mad at you, then I’m certainly notgoing to tell you,

4. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory forlater retrieval.

5. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourselfspending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

However, another group of computer scientists (all female) thinkthat computers should be referred to as if they were male. Theirreasons follow:

Five reasons to believe computers are male:

1. They have a lot of data, but are still clueless.

2. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the timethey are the problem.

3. As soon as you commit to one you realize that, if you had waiteda little longer, you could have obtained a better model.

4. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.

5. Big power surges knock them out for the rest of the night.

crap
what do you call this website?

shit ha ha ha ha

ben vail

E-mail
Q:what do you thing about e-mails?

Ans: I thing fe-mails are better!!!

Email is Like the Male Organ
1 Some folks have it and some folks don't.

2 Those who have it would be devastated if it were ever cut off.

3 Those who have it think that those who don't are somehow inferior.

4 Those who don't have it may agree that it's neat, but think it's not worth the fuss that those who have it make it out to be.

5 Many of those that don't have it would like to try it ("e-mail envy").

6 It can be up or down. It's more fun when it's up, but this makes it difficult to get any real work done.

7 In the long distant past, its only purpose was to transmit information vital to the survival of the species. Some people still think that's the only thing it should be used for, but most folks today use it for fun most of the time.

8 If you don't apply appropriate measures, it can spread viruses.

9 If you use it too much, you'll find it becomes more and more difficult to think coherently.

10 We attach an importance to it that is far greater than its actual size and influence warrant.

11 If you're not careful with what you do with it, it can get you into a lot of trouble.

How to Install Software - A 12-Step Program
Original Work By: Dave Barry (excerpt from his book, "Dave Barry in Cyberspace")

1. Examine the software packaging until you find a little printed box that explains what kind of computer system you need to run the software.
It should look something like this:
SYSTEM REQUIREMENTS
2386 PROCESSOR OR HIGHER
628.8 MEGAHERTZ MODEM
719.7 MB FREE DISK SPACE
3546 GB RAM
432323 MB ROM
05948737 MB RPM
ANTILOCK BRAKING SYSTEM
DUAL AIR BAGS (SIDE AND FRONT)
2 TURTLE DOVES
NOTE: This software will not work on your computer.

2. Open the software packaging and remove the manual. This will contain detailed instructions on installing, operating, and trouble-shooting the software. Throw it away.

3. Find the actual software, which should be in the form of either a 3.5-inch floppy diskette or a CD-ROM, located inside a sealed envelope that says:

LICENSING AGREEMENT:
By breaking this seal, the user hereinafter agrees to abide by all the terms and conditions of the following agreement that nobody ever reads, as well as the Geneva Convention and the U.N. Charter and the Secret Membership Oath of the Benevolent Protective Order of the Elks and such other terms and conditions, real and imaginary, as the Software. Company shall deem necessary and appropriate, including the right to come to the user's home and examine the user's hard drive, as well as the user's underwear drawer if we feel like it, take it or leave it, until death do us part, one nation indivisible, by the dawn's early light,...finders keepers, losers weepers, thanks you've been a great crowd, and don't forget to tip your servers.

4. Hand the software to a child aged 3 through 12 and say, "(Name of child), please install this on my computer."

5. If you have no child age 3 through 12, insert the software in the appropriate drive, type "SETUP" and press the Enter key.

6. Turn the computer on, you idiot.

7. Once again type "SETUP" and press the Enter key.

8. You will hear grinding and whirring noises for a while, after which the following message should appear on your screen:

The Installation Program will now examine your system to see what would be the best way to render it inoperable. Is it OK with you?
Choose one, and be honest:

+---------+ +-----------+

IBM - Good for All?
KABINDA, ZAIRE--In a move IBM officers are hailing as a major step in the company's ongoing worldwide telecommunications revolution, M'wana Ndeti, a member of Zaire's Bantu tribe, used an IBM global uplink network modem yesterday to crush a nut.

Ndeti, who spent 20 minutes trying to open the nut by hand, easily cracked it open by smashing it repeatedly with the powerful modem.

"I could not crush the nut by myself," said the 47-year-old Ndeti, who added the savory nut to a thick, peanut-based soup minutes later. "With IBM's help, I was able to break it."

Ndeti discovered the nut-breaking, 28.8 V.34 modem yesterday, when IBM was shooting a commercial in his southwestern Zaire village. During a break in shooting, which shows African villagers eagerly teleconferencing via computer with Japanese schoolchildren, Ndeti snuck onto the set and took the modem, which he believed would serve well as a "smashing" utensil.

IBM officials were not surprised the longtime computer giant was able to provide Ndeti with practical solutions to his everyday problems.

"Our telecommunications systems offer people all over the world global networking solutions that fit their specific needs," said Herbert Ross, IBM's director of marketing. "Whether you're a nun cloistered in an Italian abbey or an Aborigine in Australia's Great Sandy Desert, IBM has the ideas to get you where you want to go today."

According to Ndeti, of the modem's many powerful features, most impressive was its hard plastic casing, which easily sustained several minutes of vigorous pounding against a large stone.

"I put the nut on a rock, and I hit it with the modem," Ndeti said. "The modem did not break. It is a good modem."

Ndeti was so impressed with the modem that he purchased a new, state-of-the-art IBM workstation, complete with a PowerPC 601 microprocessor, a quad-speed internal CD-ROM drive and three 16-bit ethernet networking connectors.

The tribesman has already made good use of the computer system, fashioning a gazelle trap out of its wires, a boat anchor out of the monitor and a crude but effective weapon from its mouse.

"This is a good computer," said Ndeti, carving up a just-captured gazelle with the computer's flat, sharp internal processing device. "I am using every part of it. I will cook this gazelle on the keyboard."

Hours later, Ndeti capped off his delicious gazelle dinner by smoking the computer's 200-page owner's manual.

IBM spokespeople praised Ndeti's choice of computers. "We are pleased that the Bantu people are turning to IBM for their business needs," said company CEO William Allaire. "From Kansas City to Kinshasa, IBM is bringing the world closer together. Our cutting-edge technology is truly creating a global village."

If Dr. Seuss Wrote Technical Manuals

IF a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port,
And the bus is interrupted as a very last resort,
And the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort,
Then the socket packet pocket has an error to report!

IF your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash,
And the double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash,
And your data is corrupted 'cause the index doesn't hash,
Then your situation's hopeless, and your system's gonna crash!

You can't say this?
What a shame sir!
We'll find you,
Another game sir.

IF the label on the cable on the table at your house,
Says the network is connected to the button on your mouse,
But your packets want to tunnel on another protocol,
That's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall!

IF your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss,
So your icons in the window are as wavey as a souse,
Then you may as well reboot and go out with a bang,
'Cause as sure as I'm a poet, the sucker's gonna hang!

IF the copy of your floppy's getting sloppy on the disk,
And the microcode instructions cause unnecessary RISC,
Then you have to flash your memory, and you'll want to RAM your ROM.
Quickly turn off the computer and be sure to tell your MOM!

Mouse Balls
This memo is from an unnamed computer company. It went to all field engineers about a computer peripheral problem. The author of this memo was quite serious.

Mouse balls are now available as FRU (Field Replacement Unit). Therefore, if a mouse fails to operate or should it perform erratically, it may need a ball replacement. Because of the delicatenature of this procedure, replacement of mouse balls should only be attempted by properly trained personnel.

Before proceeding, determine the type of mouse balls by examining the underside of the mouse. Domestic balls will be larger and harder than foreign balls. Ball removal procedures differ depending upon the manufacturer of the mouse. Foreign balls can be replaced using the pop-off method. Domestic balls are replaced by using the twist-off method. Mouse balls are not usually static sensitive. However, excessive handling can result in sudden discharge.

Upon completion of ball replacement, the mouse may be used immediately. It is recommended that each replacer have a pair of spare balls for maintaining optimum customer satisfaction. Anycustomer missing his balls should suspect local personnel of removing these necessary items."

Star Trek meets Microsoft
Data: Captain we are getting a transmision from the Microsoft ship.

Picard: On audio, Mr. Data

"We Are Microsoft. Resistance is Futile. You Will Be Assimlated."

Top Ten Responses To The Question, 'How Fat Is Al Gore?' for April 27, 2001
10. He's so fat, when he appears in public the band plays "Hail To The Beef"
9. He's so fat, the Florida Election Commission is recounting his chins
8. He's so fat, he'll only take money from the Chinese if it comes with egg rolls
7. He's so fat, instead of apples, his students place margarine on his desk
6. He's so fat, the Secret Service has added one agent just to guard his ass
5. He's so fat, his belt gave a concession speech
4. He's so fat, he asked Bush if he can be ambassador to KFC
3. He's so fat, he had one of Dick Cheney's heart attacks
2. He's so fat, the Liberty Bell is now the second largest thing with a crack

1. He's so fat, Clinton is thinking of hitting on him

TOP TEN USES FOR A CD-ROM
10. Use it as a highball coaster.

9. Make the developer swallow it.

8. Flash messages with it from the top of a hill in your next cowboy movie.

7. Glue it and others like it to a beach ball, and hang it from the ceiling over your disco dance floor.

6. Use it as an ostentatious nose ring.

5. Glue it to your bathroom wall for a shaving mirror.

4. Stick two of them together to make a pair of wacky shades.

3. Duct-tape it to your forehead, and play dentist.

2. Practice skeet shooting with it.

1. Sew a bunch of them together to make a dress for the New Year.

Y-Zero-K problem
Dear Cassius,

Are you still working on the y-zero-k problem?

This change from BC to AD is giving us a lot of headaches and we haven't much time left.

I don't know how people will cope with working the wrong way around. Having been working happily downwards forever, now we have to start thinking upwards. You would think that someone would have thought of it earlier and not left it to us to sort it all out at this last minute.

I spoke to Caesar the other evening. He was livid that Julius hadn't done something about it when he was sorting out the calendar. He said he could see why Brutus turned nasty.

We called in the consulting astrologers, but they simply said that continuing downwards using minus BC won't work. As usual, the consultants charged a fortune for doing nothing useful.

As for myself, I just can't see the sand in an hourglass flowing upwards.

We have heard that there are three wise men in the East who have been working on the problem, but unfortunately they won't arrive until it's all over.

Some say the world will cease to exist at the moment of transition. Anyway we are still continuing to work on this blasted y-zero-k problem and I will send you a parchment if anything further develops.

Vale,
Plutonius

You have just received the "Kentucky Virus"
As we ain't got no programming experience, this virus works on the honor system.

Please delete all the files from your hard drive and manually forward this virus to everyone on your mailing list.

Thanks for your cooperation,
University of Kentucky Computer Engineering Dept.

You Know You are Addicted to the Internet When...
  • You kiss your girlfriend's home page.
  • Your eyeglasses have a web site burned in on them.
  • You refuse to go to a vacation spot with no electricity and no phone lines.
  • You finally do take that vacation, but only after buying a cellular modem and a laptop.
  • You spend half of the plane trip with your laptop on your lap...and your child in the overhead compartment.
  • Your night dreams are in HTML.
  • Your dog has its own home page.
  • You code your homework in HTML and give your instructor the URL.
  • You don't know the sex of three of your closest friends, because they have neutral nicknames and you neverbothered to ask.
  • You wake up at 3 a.m. to go to the bathroom and stop and check your e-mail on the way back to bed.
  • You are so familiar with the WWW that you find the search engines useless.
  • You get a tatoo that says "This body best viewed with Netscape 3.0 or higher."
  • The last girl you picked up was only a jpeg.
  • You turn on your computer and turn off your wife.
  • Your wife says communication is important in a marriage...so you buy another computer and install a second phoneline so the two of you can chat.
  • You find yourself brainstorming for new subjects to search.
  • Your bookmark takes 15 minutes to scroll from top to bottom
  • You refer to going to the bathroom as downloading.
  • You find yourself typing "com" after every period when using a word processor.com
  • You turn off your modem and get this awful empty feeling, like you just pulled the plug on a loved one.
  • You start introducing yourself as "John at Doe dot net dot ca.
  • All of your friends have an @ in their names.
  • When looking at a pageful of someone else's links, you notice all of them are already highlighted in purple.
  • You've already visited all the links at Yahoo and you're halfway through Lycos. or [C]ontinue?
  • You can't call your mother...she doesn't have a modem.
  • You refer to your age as 3.x.
  • Your phone bill is delivered to your doorstep in a box by UPS.
  • You name your children Eudora, Mozilla and Dotcom.
  • You laugh at people with 2400 baud modems.
  • You start looking for hot HTML addresses in public restrooms.
  • You move into a new house and decide to Netscape before you landscape.
  • You tell the cab driver you live at http://123.elm.street/house/bluetrim.html
  • You actually try that 123.elm.street address.

    TECH SUPPORT:

    Tech Support 1
    True story from a Novell NetWare SysOp:

    Caller: "Hello, is this Tech Support?"

    Tech Rep: "Yes, it is. How may I help you?"

    Caller: "The cup holder on my PC is broken and I am within my warranty period. How do I go about getting that fixed?"

    Tech Rep: "I'm sorry, but did you say a cup holder?"

    Caller: "Yes, it's attached to the front of my computer."

    Tech Rep: "Please excuse me if I seem a bit stumped, it's because I am. Did you receive this as part of a promotional, at a trade show? How did you get this cup holder? Does it have any trademark on it?"

    Caller: "It came with my computer, I don't know anything about a promotional. It just has '4X' on it."

    At this point the Tech Rep had to mute the caller, because he could not stand it. The caller had been using the load drawer of the CD-ROM drive as a cup holder, and snapped it off the drive.

    Tech Support 2
    Tech Support Reps are brave souls. They deal with all sorts of people, from the angry to the incompetent to the computer illiterate to the insane.

    - From PC Magazine, John Dvorak A man called in to customer service and said his computer was not working. After going through the usual list, the customer service rep asked if the computer was plugged in. The customer said, "Hold on, I'll go get a flashlight." The rep said, "Why do you need a flashlight?" The customer replied, "Because it's dark in here. The power is out."

    - One woman called a customer service number and said she always got a busy signal when her computer called the modem pool. She kept on calling and calling, complaining about busy signals. Finally, we decided to clue her in on an experimental phone number that pointed to a few new-at-the-time 14.4Kbps modems. But she insisted, "No, I can't put in that number; I have to put in my home number." No amount of reason could get her to understand that the computer at her home had to call the number of the modem at her service provider. Last we heard, she remained unconvinced, calling herself and complaining about the busy signals.

    - From Leonard Ballard, a consultant in Raleigh Leonard says five of his clients have inserted CD-ROMs into their 5.25" diskette drives. The only way to extract the CD-ROM is to dismantle the diskette drive.

    Another customer was having a possible conflict between his modem and IO card. Pete: "There could be a COM2 on your IO card that is conflicting with the COM2 that your modem is set to." Cust: "What?" Pete: "There could be a COM2 on your IO card that is conflicting with the COM2 that your modem is set to." Cust: "Wait, let me get my kid. He understands all this stuff."

    - From Wendel Morris A user called me with problems installing her PC Access and it sounded like it might be a defective floppy, so I had her get to a DOS prompt. I told her to type D-I-R Space Colon and press Enter. After a long pause she asks "Do you want anything in that Space?".

    Another user called in one day with an installation problem. I talked him through the process of getting to a DOS prompt and asked him to type D-I-R Space A Colon and press Enter. I hear 5 slow erratic key clicks followed by a very long pause. Finally, he asks "What's the colon look like?". I tell him it's the key with one dot below another dot. "Oh!" he exclaims, "The two-dots key! Why didn't you say so?"

    - From Becky Tobin Cust: "I received the software update you sent, but I am still getting the same error message." Becky: "Did you install the update?" Cust: "No... Oh, am I supposed to install it to get it to work?"

    Tech Support Converstations ...
    1) A woman called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer. The tech asked her if she was "running it under Windows." The woman responded, "No, my desk is next to the door. But that's a good point. The mansitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his is workingfine."

    2) Tech Support: "OK Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at thesame time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Nowtype the letter 'P' to bring up the Program Manager."
    Customer: "I don't have a 'P'."
    Tech Support: "On your keyboard, Bob."
    Customer: "What do you mean?"
    Tech Support: "'P' on your keyboard, Bob."
    Customer: "I'm not going to do that!"

    3) Overheard in a computer shop:
    Customer: "I'd like a mouse mat, please."
    Salesperson: "Certainly sir, we've got a large variety."
    Customer: "But will they be compatible with my computer?"

    4) I once received a fax with a note on the bottom to fax the document back to the sender when I was finished with it, because he needed to keep it.

    5) Customer in computer shop: "Can you copy the Internet onto this disk for me?"

    6) I work for a local ISP. Frequently we receive phone calls that startsomething like this: Customer: "Hi. Is this the Internet?"

    7) Customer: "So that'll get me connected to the Internet, right?"
    Tech Support: "Yeah."
    Customer: "And that's the latest version of the Internet, right?"
    Tech Support: "Uhh...uh...uh...yeah."

    8) Tech Support: "All right...now double-click on the File Manager icon."
    Customer: "That's why I hate this Windows - because of the icons - I'm aProtestant, and I don't believe in icons."
    Tech Support: "Well, that's just an industry term sir. I don't believe itwas meant to --"
    Customer: "I don't care about any 'Industry Terms'. I don't believe inicons."
    Tech Support: "Well ... why don't you click on the 'little picture' of afiling cabinet ... is 'little picture' OK?"
    Customer: [click]

    9) Customer: "My computer crashed!"
    Tech Support: "It crashed?"
    Customer: "Yeah, it won't let me play my game."
    Tech Support: "All right, hit Control-Alt-Delete to reboot."
    Customer: "No, it didn't crash - it crashed."
    Tech Support: "Huh?"
    Customer: "I crashed my game. That's what I said before. I crashed myspaceship and now it doesn't work."
    Tech Support: "Click on 'File,' then 'New Game.'"Customer: [pause] "Wow! How'd you learn how to do that?"

    10) Got a call from a woman said that her laser printer was having problems: the bottom half of her printed sheets were coming out blurry. Itseemed strange that the printer was smearing only the bottom half. I walkedher through the basics, then went over and printed out a testsheet. It printed fine. I asked her to print a sheet, so she sent a job tothe printer. As the paper started coming out, she yanked it out and showedit to me. I told her to wait until the paper came out on its own. Problemsolved.

    11) I had been doing Tech Support for Hewlett-Packard's DeskJet division for about a month when I had a customer call with a problem I just couldn't solve. She could not print yellow. All the other colors would print fine, which truly baffled me because the only true colors are cyan, magenta, and yellow. For instance, green is a combination of cyan and yellow, but green printed fine. Every color of the rainbow printed fine except for yellow. I had the customer change ink cartridges. I had the customer delete and reinstall the drivers. Nothing worked. I asked my coworkers for help; they offered no new ideas. After over two hours of troubleshooting, I was about to tell the customer to send the printer in to us for repair when she asked quietly, "Should I try printing on a piece ofwhite paper instead of this yellow paper?"

    12) A man attempting to set up his new printer called the printer's tech support number, complaining about the error message: "Can't find the printer." On the phone, the man said he even held the printer up in front of the screen, but the computer still couldn't find it.

    13) And another user was all confused about why the cursor always moved inthe opposite direction from the movement of the mouse. She also complainedthat the buttons were difficult to depress. She was very embarrassed when heasked her to rotate the mouse so the tail pointed away from her.

    14) Customer: "Hello? I'm trying to dial in. I installed the software okay, and it dialed fine. I could hear that. Then I could hear the two computers connecting. But then the sound all stopped, so I picked up the phone to see if they were still connected, and I got the message, 'No carrier,' on my screen. What's wrong?"

    15) An unfailingly polite lady called to ask for help with a Windows installation that had gone terribly wrong.
    Customer: "I brought my Windows disks from work to install them on my homecomputer."
    Training stresses that we are "not the Software Police," so I let thelittle act of piracy slide.
    Tech Support: "Umm-hmm. What happened?"
    Customer: "As I put each disk in it turns out they weren't initialized."
    Tech Support: "Do you remember the message exactly, ma'am?"Customer: (proudly) "I wrote it down. 'This is not a Macintosh disk. Wouldyou like to initialize it?'"
    Tech Support: "Er, what happened next?"
    Customer: "After they were initialized, all the disks appeared to beblank. And now I brought them back to work, and I can't read them in theA: drive; the PC wants to format them. And this is our only set of Windowsdisks for the whole office. Did I do something wrong?"

    16) For a computer programming class, I sat directly across from someone, and our computers were facing away from each other. A few minutes into the class, she got up to leave the room. I reached between our computers andswitched the inputs for the keyboards. She came back and started typing andimmediately got a distressed look on her face. She called the tutor over andexplained that no matter what she typed, nothing would happen. The tutor triedeverything. By this time I was hiding behind my monitor and quaking red-faced.I typed, "Leave me alone!" They both jumped back as this appeared on theirscreen. "What the..." the tutor said. I typed, "I said leave me alone!" Thekid got real upset. "I didn't do anything to it, I swear!" It was all I coulddo to keep from laughing out loud. The conversation between them and HAL 2000went on for an amazing five minutes.
    Me: "Don't touch me!"
    Her: "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hit your keys that hard."
    Me: "Who do you think you are anyway?!" Etc.Finally, I couldn't contain myself any longer, and fell out of my chairlaughing. After they had realized what I had done, they both turned beetred. Funny, I never got more than a C- in that class.

    17) This guy calls in to complain that he gets an "Access Denied" message every time he logs in. It turned out he was typing his username and password in capital letters. Tech Support: "Ok, let's try once more, but use lower case letters." Customer: "Uh, I only have capital letters on my keyboard."

    18) Email from a friend: "CanYouFixTheSpaceBarOnMyKeyboard?"

    19) My friend was on duty in the main lab on a quiet afternoon. He noticed young woman sitting in front of one of the workstations with her arms crossed across her chest, staring at the screen. After about 15 minutes henoticed that she was still in the same position, only now she was impatientlytapping her foot. He asked if she needed help and she replied "It's about time! I pressed the F1 button over twenty minutes ago!"

    MICROSOFT:

    Bill Gates choice
    Bill Gates dies in a car accident. He finds himself being sized up by God...

    Well, Bill, I'm really confused on this call; I'm not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell. After all, you enormously helped society by putting a computer in almost every home in America, yet you also created that ghastly Windows '95. I'm going to do something I've never done before. I'm going to let you decide where you want to go.

    Bill replied, Well, what's the difference between the two?

    God said, I'm willing to let you visit both places briefly, to see if it will help your decision.

    Fine, but where should I go first?
    I'll leave that up to you.

    Okay then, said Bill, let's try Hell first.

    So Bill went to Hell. It was a beautiful, clean, sandy beach with clear waters and lots of beautiful women running around, playing in the water, laughing and frolicking about. The sun was shining; the temperature perfect. He was very pleased. This is great, he told God.

    If this is hell, I really want to see heaven.

    Fine, said God, and off they went. Heaven was a place high in the clouds, with angels drifting about, playing harps and singing. It was nice, but not as enticing as Hell.

    Bill thought for a quick minute, and rendered his decision. Hmmm. I think I'd prefer Hell. He told God.

    Fine, retorted God, as you desire.

    So Bill Gates went to Hell.

    Two weeks later, God decided to check on the late billionaire to see how he was doing in Hell. When he got there, he found Bill, shackled to a wall screaming amongst hot flames in dark caves, being burned and tortured by demons.

    How's everything going? he asked Bill.

    Bill responded with his voice filled with anguish and disappointment. This is awful. This is nothing like the Hell I visited two weeks ago. I can't believe this is happening. What happened to that other place, with the beaches and the beautiful women playing in the water????

    Oh, God said, that was Hell 3.1. This is Hell 95.

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