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FOOD: Grapes What does a grape say when you step on it? Nothing, it just gives a little wine Pillsbury Eulogy Veteran Pillsbury spokesman Pop N. Fresh died yesterday of a severe yeast infection. He was 71. Fresh was buried in one of the largest funeral ceremonies in recent years. Dozens of celebrities turned out,including Mrs. Butterworth, Uncle Ben, Hungry Jack, Betty Crocker, Sara Lee and the Hostess Twinkies. The graveside was piled with flours as longtime friend, Aunt Jemima, delivered the eulogy, describing Fresh as a man who "never knew how much he was kneaded. Fresh rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with many turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Still, even as a crusty old man, he was a roll model for millions. Fresh is survived by his second wife; they have two children and one in the oven. The funeral was held at 3:50 for 20 minutes. Pillsbury Obituary Veteran Pillsbury spokesman Pop N. Fresh died yesterday of a severe yeast infection. He was 71. Fresh was buried in one of the largest funeral ceremonies in recent years. Dozens of celebrities turned out,including Mrs. Butterworth, Uncle Ben, Hungry Jack, Betty Crocker, Sara Lee and the Hostess Twinkies. The graveside was piled with flours as longtime friend, Aunt Jemima, delivered the eulogy, describing Fresh as a man who "never knew how much he was kneaded. Fresh rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with many turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Still, even as a crusty old man, he was a roll model for millions. Fresh is survived by his second wife; they have two children and one in the oven. The funeral was held at 3:50 for 20 minutes. Taco Bell Anyone? The following is a *true* story. It amused the hell out of me whileit was happening. I hope it isn't one of those "had to be there"things. ------------------------------------------------------------- On my way home from the second job I've taken for the extra holidayca$h I need, I stopped at Taco Bell for a quick bite to eat. In my billfoldis a $50 bill and a $2 bill. That is all of the cash I have on my person.I figure that with a $2 bill, I can get something to eat and not have toworry about people getting pissed at me. ME: "Hi, I'd like one seven layer burrito please, to go." At his point I open my billfold and hand him the $2 bill. He looks atit kind of funny and IT: "Uh, hang on a sec, I'll be right back." He goes to talk to his manager, who is still within earshot. The followingconversation occurs between the two of them. IT: "Hey, you ever see a $2 bill?" He comes back to me and says IT: "We don't take these. Do you have anything else?" He goes back to his manager who is watching me like I'm going to shoplift, and IT: "He says I have to take it." The manager approaches me and says MG: "Sorry, we don't take big bills this time of night." [itwas 8pm and this particular Taco Bell is in a well lighted indoor mallwith 100 other stores.] At this point he BACKS away from me and calls mall security on the phonearound the corner. I have two people STARING at me from the dining area,and I begin laughing out loud, just for effect. A few minutes later this45 year oldish guy comes in and says [at the other end of counter, in awhisper] SG: "Yeah, Mike, what's up?" Security guard walks over to me and says SG: "Mike here tells me you have some fake bills you're trying to use." At this point I was ready to say, "SURE, PLEASE," but I wanted to eat, so I said ME: "I'm just trying to buy a burrito and pay for it with this $2 bill." I put the bill up near his face, and he flinches like I was taking a swing at him. He takes the bill, turns it over a few times in his hands, and says SG: "Mike, what's wrong with this bill?"MG: "It's fake." The security guard and I both looked at him like he was an idiot, and it dawned on the guy that he had no clue. My burrito was free and he threw in a small drink and those cinnamon things, too. Makes me want to get a whole stack of $2 bills just to see what happens when I try to buy stuff. If I got the right group of people I could probably end up in jail. At least you get free food. The Stolen Gravy Ladle John invited his mother over for dinner. During the meal, his mother couldn't help noticing how beautiful Julie was, John's roommate. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between John and his roommate and this only made her more curious. Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between John and the roommate than met the eye. Reading his mom's thoughts, John volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Julie and I are just roommates!" About a week later, Julie came to John and said, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose she took it, do you?!" John said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll write her a letter just to be sure." So John sat down and wrote: "Dear Mother, Several days later, John received a letter from his mother which read the following: "Dear Son, Top 10 Things That Sound Dirty at Thanksgiving But Aren't 10. "Reach in and grab the giblets." 9. "Whew...that's one terrific spread!" 8. "I am in the mood for a little dark meat!" 7. "Tying the legs together will keep the inside moist." 6. "Talk about a HUGE breast!" 5. "And he forces his way into the end zone!" 4. "She's 5000 pounds fully inflated and it takes 15 men to holdher down." 3. "It's cool whip time!" 2. "If I don't unbutton my pants, I am going to burst!" 1. "It must be broken 'cause when I push on the tip, nothing squirtsout." This page contains 6 of 6 matching records. 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