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SCHOOL: Anagrams An anagram, as you know, is a word or phrase made by rearranging the letters of another word or phrase. The following are exceptionally clever. Someone out there either has way too much time to waste or is deadly at Scrabble. Words...............................................When you rearrange the letters And here is the most intriguing one: Arithmetic Little Johnny returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic. "Why?" asks the father. "The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3?' I said '6'" "But that's right!" "Then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?'" "What's the f%$*&ing difference?" "That's what I said" College Football Observations 1. What does the average Michigan State player get on his SATs? ....Drool. 2. What do you get when you put 8 Arkansas cheerleaders in one room? 3. How do you get a Wisconsin cheerleader into your dorm room? 4. How do you get a Missouri graduate off your porch? 5. Why do the Texas Tech cheerleaders wear bibs? 6. Why is the Indiana University football team like a possum? 7. What are the longest three years of an Nebraska football player's life? 8. How many Ohio State freshmen does it take to change a light bulb? 9. Where was O.J. headed in the white Bronco? 10. Why did Illinois choose orange as their team color? Last Laugh The rules at a particular university were such that if the professorwere not present in the classroom by 15 minutes past the hour, theclass was considered a "walk" and the students were free to leave-with no penalties for missing a class. The rooms were equipped withthe type wall clocks which "jumped" ahead each minute, in a verynoticeable fashion. As it were, these clocks were also not of themost sophisticated construction. Some enterprising student discoveredthat if one were to hit the clock with chalkboard erasers, it wouldcause the clock to "jump" ahead 1 minute. So, it became almost daily practice for these students to take targetpractice at the clock ( as it would have it, this particularprofessor was not the most punctual, and the students considered himseverely "absent-minded"). A few well aimed erasers, and lo, 15minutes were passed, and class dismissed itself. Well, when the day for the next exam rolled around, the professorstrolled into the room, passed out the exams, and told them "You have1 hour to complete". The professor then proceeded to collect the erasers from around theroom, gleefully took aim at the clock. When he had successfully"jumped" the clock forward 1 hour, he closed the class and collectedthe exam papers. Life does teach some lessons the hard way. Lipstick on the Mirors According to a radio report, a middle school in Oregon was faced with a unique problem. A number of girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the restroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick, they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints. Finally the principal decided that something had to be done. She called all of the girls to the restroom and met them there with the maintenance man. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night. To demonstrate how! difficult it was to clean the mirrors, she asked the maintenance guy to clean one of them.He took a long handled squeegee, dipped it into the toilet and then cleaned the mirror. Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirrors. Medical School Students at Oxford University Medical School were receiving their first anatomy class with a real dead human body. They are all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet. The professor started the class by telling them: "In medicine, it is necessary to have two important qualities as a doctor. The first is that it is vital that you never be disgusted." At that, the Professor removed the sheet, sunk his finger in the ass of the dead body, withdrew it and sucked it. "Go ahead and do the same thing," he told his students. The students freaked out, and hesitated. But, eventually, and taking turns, each of them sunk their finger in the ass of the dead body and sucked it after withdrawing it. When everyone had finished, the Professor looked at them sternly, and said, "The second important quality is observation. I sunk the middle finger. But, I sucked the index. Pay attention people!" Question: How far would you go for an A+? A student comes to a young professor's office hours. She glances down the hall, closes his door quietly, and kneels infront of him pleadingly. "I would do anything to pass this exam," she gushes. She leans closer to him, flips back her hair seductively, and gazes very meaningfully into his eyes. "I mean ..." she whispers, "... I would do . . anything." He returns her gaze. "Anything?" "Anything . . ." His voice softens. "Anything. . .??" "Anything." He leans forward and presses his cheek against hers, with his mouth next to her ear. His voice turns to a whisper ... "Would you ... study?" School What is a School + a upsidedown dimond? A School of PUSSY'S!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! school In the playground Tommy asked Johnny, "Why were 4, 5 & 6 so scared?" Johnny answered, "I don't know, Why were 4,5 & 6 so scared? "Tommy told him, "Because 7 was after them and everyone knows...7 ate 9!!! SYMPTOMS OF SEMESTER BURNOUT! 1. When your parents inquire about your grades and you sing the cookie monster song (C is for cookie, that's good enough for me...) 2. You have spent more time figuring out that you only need a 54% on the final to pass than you have actually spent studing. 3. When you are swamped with homework and spend your time making up a list like this. 4. When you start showering after class rather than before. 5. The test papers are no longer worthy of the fridge door. 6. When the campus drunk tells you you should study more. 7. When your favorite paperweight says "Bud Light" 8. Visions of the upcoming weekend help you to make it through Monday. 9. When your absence exceeds your attendance. 10. When your study schedule is based on the rationale that you "might" actually die before the test! TEACHING MATH THROUGH THE DECADES In 1950: A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is four-fifths of the price. What is his profit? In 1960: A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is four-fifths of the price, or $80. What is his profit? In 1970 (new math): A logger exchanges a set L of lumber for a set M of money. The cardinality of set M is 100, and each element is worth $1.00. Make 100 dots representing the elements of the set M. The set C of the costs of production contains 20 fewer points than set M. Represent the set C as a subset of M, and answer the following question: What is the cardinality of the set p of profits? In 1980: A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80, and his profit is $20. Your assignment: underline the number 20. In 1990: (outcome-based education): By cutting down beautiful forest trees, a logger makes $20. What do you think of this way of making a living? (Topic for class participation: How did the forest birds and squirrels feel?) In 1996: By laying off 40% of its loggers, a company improves its stock price from $80 to $100. How much capital gain per share does the CEO make by exercising his stock options at $80? Assume capital gains are no longer taxed, because this encourages investment. the Alphabet There was a little boy who wanted to know the alphabet. He went to his teacher and said "Teacher, teach me the alphabet, but make it quick 'cause I have to go to the bathroom. "Okay," she said. "Recite the alphabet, please." (read this part carefully) "ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOQRSTUVWXYZ," "where's the "P" asks the teacher. "running down my leg," answers the boy. The Hllbilly's New School A hillbilly dragged his protesting son to a new school which had just opened in a nearby village. When they arrived, he took his son to see the teacher. 'Howdy,' said the hillbilly.'This here's my son, Arthur. Now what kind of learnin' are you teachin'? 'Oh, all the usual subjects,' said the teacher, nodding at the boy. 'Reading, writing, arithmetic.' 'What's this ?' interrupted the father. 'Arith....arith... what did you say?' 'Arithmetic, Sir,' said the teacher, 'instruction in geometry, algebra and trigonometry.' 'Trigonometry!' cried the delighted hillbilly. 'That's what my boy needs. He's the worst darn shot in the family.' 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