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SPORTS: Golf Stuff Taking a wee break from the golf circuit, Tiger Woods drives his new Buick Rendezvous into an Irish gas station. An attendant greets him in typical Irish manner, unaware who the golf pro is, "Top o' the morning, etc." As Tiger gets out of the car, two tees fall out of his pocket. "So what are those, son?" asks the attendant. "They're called tees," replies Tiger. "And what would ya be usin 'em for, now?" inquires the Irishman. "Well, they're for resting my balls on when I drive," replies Tiger. "Jaysus, Mary an' Joseph!" exclaims the Irish attendant. "Those fellas at Buick think of everything!" New Golf Rule A proposed revision to the rules of golf is being sought in South Florida which will replace the traditional call of "FORE". Once a player has hit an errant shot he will be allowed to call "GORE" while the ball is still in flight. He can then replace the ball in the same spot and hit it again. The player can do this until he is satisfied the ball is going where he intended to hit it in the first place. This will cause the time of play to be extended until such time the player can claim the hole. This revision is causing some consternation to the PGA but proponents say it is only fair. A recent test of this new rule was recently played out in an exclusive club in Palm Beach County, Florida and the first hole only took 7 days to complete!!!! The Top 15 Problems Encountered Along the Olympic Torch Rout 15) Forward progress hampered by slow moving white Bronco. 14) Torch commandeered in Waco by over-zealous ATF agents. 13) One *really* pissed off Smokey the Bear. 12) Budget cuts cause torch to be replaced by less-than-dependable Bic lighter. 11) Difficulty getting melted marshmallows off torch after "s'mores" party got out of hand. 10) Running 7 miles before realizing the torch is still on top of the urinal at the last rest stop. 9) First-degree burns to runners unfamiliar with how to "receive the baton." 8) Jim Bob, lying in wait on the outskirts of Memphis with a case of Bud and a supersoaker. 7) Rosie Ruiz takes flame in NYC -- appears 30 minutes later in Atlanta. 6) Drive-by goosings. 5) Torchbearers driven insane by repeated playing of the "Chariots of Fire" theme. 4) Torch-jackings in urban areas. 3) Crazed hippie terrorists replace Olympic Torch with new Olympic Bong. 2) Male runners repeatedly get lost and refuse to stop for directions. 1) Obnoxious drunks who run up and yell, "No, I meant a BUD light!" Top 10 things to do to prepare for the ski season 10. Visit your local butcher and pay $30 to sit in the walk-in freezer for half an hour. Afterwards, burn two $50 dollar bills to warm up. 9. Go to the nearest hockey rink and walk across the ice 20 times in your ski boots carrying two pairs of skis, accessory bag and poles. Pretend you are looking for your car. 8. For ski boot simulation at home, put a pebble in your street shoes and tighten a C-clamp around your toes. 7. Buy a pair of gloves and immediately throw one away. 6. Go to McDonald's and insist on paying $6 for a hamburger. Be sure to wait in the longest line. 5. Clip a lift ticket to the zipper of your jacket and ride a motorcyclefast enough to make the ticket lacerate your face. 4. Drive slowly for five hours - anywhere - as long as it's in a snowstorm and you're following an 18 wheeler. 3. Fill a blender with ice, hit the pulse button and let the spray blast your face. You'd almost believe you're skiing in front of a snowmaker! 2. Dress up in as many clothes as you can and then proceed to take them off because you have to go to the bathroom. 1. Repeat all of the above every Saturday and Sunday! True to your School A first grade teacher explains to her class that she is an Oklahoma Boomer Sooner fan. She asks her students to raise their hands if they areOklahoma fans too. Not really knowing what an Oklahoma fan was, but wanting to be liked by their teacher, theirs hands fly into the air.There is, however, one exception. Janet has not gone along with the crowd. The teacher asked her why she has decided to be different. "Because I'm not an Oklahoma fan" she reports. "Then," asks the teacher, "what areyou?" "I'm a Nebraska Cornhusker fan" boasts the little girl. The teacher asks Janet why she is a Nebraska fan. "Well, my dad and mom are Husker fans, so I'm a Husker fan too" she responds. "That's noreason," the teacher says. "What if your mom was a moron and your dad was an idiot. What would you be then?" Janet SMILES and says, "Then I'd be anOklahoma fan. Vikings are Terrible! One day in court a little 6 year old was asked by the judge do you wanna live with your mom and he said, "No cuz she beats me too much." So the judge asked the little boy if he wanted to live with his dad and he replied, "No, he beats me too much." So the judge asks the 6 year old who he wants to live with and the little boy said, "The Vikings, cuz they never beat anybody!" This page contains 6 of 6 matching records. Back to Giggle Land |